You can now find my writing here: coleryanblog.com. Thank you for following me for these past few years.
Christians aren’t very good at dating. There have been plenty of Christian dating books and articles, and all of them have addressed the fact that there is a problem with the way we view dating, but none of them have really gotten to the root of the problem.
Ultimately, I think there are two reasons why the way we date doesn’t really work too well.
1. We either take dating too lightly, by simply dating someone to have fun or to fit in: in doing this we don’t even treat dating as a gateway to marriage – we hardly ever even consider marriage as an option.
2. Or we over-spiritualize and/or over-romanticize dating: in doing this we think that somehow “the one” is out there waiting for us – as if God designed a soul mate specifically for us.
Both of which are destructive.
I don’t think that the answer to either of these problems are as black and white as we like to think they are, or that they can be fixed as easily as we think they can be. These problems can’t be fixed with strategies and formulas, that is what makes them tough.
I do think that if we get to the root of these problems that they will be much easier to fix. Most dating books and articles talk about the actions that take place within dating, they talk about how to date. I don’t think the answers we’re looking for will be found in behavior modification – we have to dig deeper than that. We have to find our motive and intention behind wanting to date someone, we have to find the reason for which we date someone.
I think focusing on the root of the problem rather than the surface of the problem is universally effective, yet we don’t apply this logic to dating.
This is why I wrote Dear Guys: A New Way To Date. It’s not your typical Christian dating book. It’s not a book telling you when to date, or how to date, it’s all about why we date – because when we figure out the why, it will change the when and the how.
I try not to write about my life on here very much, but my parents are getting divorced, and I thought I should write about it. It’s something about half of us have to deal with, so it’s fairly prevalent.
The shortest verse in the bible. It’s simple, but profound.
“Jesus wept.” – John 11:35
There’s a huge message there. This world is a world full of brokenness, and our God is not a God that is above that brokenness, but in the midst of it. He is not merely looking down at us as we suffer, He is with us.
Our God feels sadness when we feel sadness. He mourns when we mourn. Think about that – Jesus crying. It’s oddly comforting, especially if you know the context of the verse.
I’m not trying to act like I have all the answers in this post. I’m just trying to say that if your parents are divorced or are going through a divorce – know that our God feels our pain, that our God cries.
Sometimes there’s nothing we can do or learn that will make our situation any better, we just need someone to be there with us.
In my last post – Do, Don’t (Part 1) – I talked about why the law of God is a good thing.
I talked about how the law of God helps us to align ourselves with the way God designed the universe to work. I talked about how God created everything, so it’s probably a good idea to follow the creator’s instructions (that He was gracious enough to provide) on how everything is meant to work. It only makes sense, doesn’t it? Why do we think we know how all of this works more than God? Why do we think we have this ‘life’ thing figured out more than the One who created it?
In this post, however, I’m going to be talking about how we will never, ever be able to fulfill the law of God. We’ll never be able to reach it, or accomplish it, or succeed it. We’re fallen, lost, broken people – and I think the law of God was designed to point that out to us. The law of God was designed to show us that we’re not perfect and we need a savior. The law of God was designed to point us to Jesus.
Though we should strive to fulfill the law because it will lead to a more fulfilling, fruitful life, the law is not a means by which we are saved. The law is not a way to earn our salvation. The law is not a way to please God. When it becomes any of those things, it becomes legalism.
We will never be able to fulfill the law, but that’s okay, because Jesus already did. You see, that’s the point. The law is here to show us that we’re not perfect – the law is here to show us that we need Jesus.
“It is He that reconciles me, not the law; for by its very truth, the law shows me that I am unreconciled.” Robert Capon
(Excerpt from my eBook, Dear Guys: A New Way To Date)
Why is it that we don’t go to God when it comes to certain stuff? In almost every aspect of life we go to the creator to find out more about how the creation works. We don’t treat God like that, though. A lot of us like to avoid what God has to say about certain aspects of our lives. Why do we do that? He created it, He designed it, He knows how it works.
The law of God is not bad news. What do I mean by the law of God? The do’s and don’t‘s in the bible. The commandments. The parts of the bible that tell us what to do. The ‘rules’. This might throw you off a bit, but we should be thankful for the law.
Why? Well, because the law of God is basically God’s way of looking out for us. By obeying God’s word we’re really just taking advice from the guy that created us. God is never trying to keep anything away from us other than what is harmful to us. He’s not trying to keep anything good away from us, He wants what’s best for us. He just happens to know what’s best for us more than we know what’s best for us.
“But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on His law he meditates day and night.” – Psalm 1:2
Wait, David delighted in the law? That seems like the opposite of how a lot of us tend to treat the law. We try to avoid it, we make excuses for it.
David actually rejoiced in the law. He didn’t just delight in it, he would literally lie awake at night and just think about it. You and I probably stay up at night thinking about our lives and our dreams, David would stay up at night thinking about God’s law. David was the man. He loved God’s law. He knew God’s law would bring him closer to God and would allow him to get the most out of his life. He knew God used the law to look out for him and to direct him to ultimate fulfillment. God knows that sin will only destroy us, and the law was created to protect us from that. The law of God is good news.
(Excerpt from my eBook, Dear Guys: A New Way To Date)